01.02.2005, 00:00
Fant dette på en annen OFFROAD side
:
SYMPTOM: beer is crystal-clear
FAULT: it's water. somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: punch him
SYMPTOM: don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in
FAULT: you've wondered into the wrong party
ACTION: see if the have free beer
SYMPTOM: feet cold & wet
FAULT: glass being held at incorrect angle
ACTION: rotate glass so that the open end points towards ceiling
SYMPTOM: feet warm & wet
FAULT: improper bladder control
ACTION: stand next to the nearest dog, complain about his house training
SYMPTOM: beer unusually pale and tasteless
FAULT: glass empty
ACTION: get someone to buy you another beer
SYMPTOM: opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights
FAULT: you have fallen over backward
ACTION: have yourself chained to bar
SYMPTOM: mouth contains cigarette butts
FAULT: you have fallen forward
ACTION: see above
SYMPTOM: beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet
FAULT: mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face
ACTION: retire to restroom & practise in mirror
SYMPTOM: floor blurred
FAULT: you are looking through bottom of empty glass
ACTION: get someone to buy you another beer
SYMPTOM: floor moving
FAULT: you are being carried out
ACTION: find out if you are being taken to another bar
SYMPTOM: room seems unusually dark
FAULT: bar has closed
ACTION: confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home
SYMPTOM: taxi's interior suddenly takes on colorful aspect & textures
FAULT: beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations
ACTION: cover mouth
SYMPTOM: everyone looks up at you and smiles
FAULT: you are dancing on the table
ACTION: fall on somebody cushy looking
SYMPTOM: hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
FAULT: you have been in a fight
ACTION: apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them
SYMPTOM: your singing sounds distorted
FAULT: the beer is to weak
ACTION: have more beer until your voice improves
SYMPTOM: don't remember the words to the song
FAULT: beer is just right
ACTION: play air guitar
SYMPTOM: ugly woman in your sights
FAULT: insufficient beer intake
ACTION: up the dosage
SYMPTOM: shins & toes hurt
FAULT: you've been walking into things
ACTION: maintain dosage
SYMPTOM: squishy feeling in the hands
FAULT: you have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts
ACTION: duck to avoid boyfriend's fist
SYMPTOM: bed is bumping around
FAULT: taking an ambulance ride
ACTION: it's too late, you made an ass of yourself
Pål Blesvik
Tlf: 91531373
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PUT UP or SHUT UP!![[Bilde: cool.gif]](http://www.offroad.no/forum/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/cool.gif)
:SYMPTOM: beer is crystal-clear
FAULT: it's water. somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: punch him
SYMPTOM: don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in
FAULT: you've wondered into the wrong party
ACTION: see if the have free beer
SYMPTOM: feet cold & wet
FAULT: glass being held at incorrect angle
ACTION: rotate glass so that the open end points towards ceiling
SYMPTOM: feet warm & wet
FAULT: improper bladder control
ACTION: stand next to the nearest dog, complain about his house training
SYMPTOM: beer unusually pale and tasteless
FAULT: glass empty
ACTION: get someone to buy you another beer
SYMPTOM: opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights
FAULT: you have fallen over backward
ACTION: have yourself chained to bar
SYMPTOM: mouth contains cigarette butts
FAULT: you have fallen forward
ACTION: see above
SYMPTOM: beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet
FAULT: mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face
ACTION: retire to restroom & practise in mirror
SYMPTOM: floor blurred
FAULT: you are looking through bottom of empty glass
ACTION: get someone to buy you another beer
SYMPTOM: floor moving
FAULT: you are being carried out
ACTION: find out if you are being taken to another bar
SYMPTOM: room seems unusually dark
FAULT: bar has closed
ACTION: confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home
SYMPTOM: taxi's interior suddenly takes on colorful aspect & textures
FAULT: beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations
ACTION: cover mouth
SYMPTOM: everyone looks up at you and smiles
FAULT: you are dancing on the table
ACTION: fall on somebody cushy looking
SYMPTOM: hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
FAULT: you have been in a fight
ACTION: apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them
SYMPTOM: your singing sounds distorted
FAULT: the beer is to weak
ACTION: have more beer until your voice improves
SYMPTOM: don't remember the words to the song
FAULT: beer is just right
ACTION: play air guitar
SYMPTOM: ugly woman in your sights
FAULT: insufficient beer intake
ACTION: up the dosage
SYMPTOM: shins & toes hurt
FAULT: you've been walking into things
ACTION: maintain dosage
SYMPTOM: squishy feeling in the hands
FAULT: you have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts
ACTION: duck to avoid boyfriend's fist
SYMPTOM: bed is bumping around
FAULT: taking an ambulance ride
ACTION: it's too late, you made an ass of yourself
Pål Blesvik
Tlf: 91531373
PUT UP or SHUT UP!
